Mom Doesn’t Feel Well

A Message to Kids

When your mom is told she has cancer, this can create a lot of different emotions; in you and in the rest of the family.  Some may be a little confusing to you. You might see people crying or whispering and that might be a bit scary for you. You may need to help more with chores but try not to look at it as punishment, you are just helping out so your mom can rest and get better. You might even get mad at her for not spending as much time with you. It’s normal to want thing to be the same, but right now mom must spend a lot of her energy to get better.

Sometimes your mom will not be feeling well; she needs lots of rest and may not want to play with you. Imagine a cat, how they lay around most of the day sleeping, resting. They need to get their rest so they can run and play later.

If your mom is going through surgery, chemotherapy and radiation, she may find she needs extra rest just to do some of the normal things she does around the house. Sometimes she may get sick to her tummy. How do you feel when your tummy is upset? Sometimes it just feels good to lie around and doing nothing. It doesn’t mean she loves you any less; she just needs to let her body get better. But unlike when you get a tummy ache that goes away in a day or so, this might last for several weeks. It might even come and go, so be patient with her.

I know you might be worrying about your mom, but try not to. She is going to a good doctor who is trying his best to make her better again. If she has to go into the hospital, or go to doctor’s appointments and be away from you, she is missing you as much as you are missing her. Most moms who have breast cancer who catch it early and go to all their doctor appointments will get better. She will do her best to get better so she can give you hugs and kisses forever.

Remember you had nothing to do with making your mommy sick even if you said or thought something mean. Cancer is not something you get from someone else. So that means, neither you or your brothers or sisters can get cancer from another person. It’s not like a cold that you bring home from school and pretty soon the whole family is sniffling and sneezing. So because of this, she will still need your hugs and kisses to make her fell better.

Ask questions to your mom or another adult who if there are words you don’t understand or if you don’t understand something that was said. Many children find it helpful to draw a picture to tell their mom how they are feeling. Maybe even draw a picture of the cancer and then show how the medicine is making it smaller or going away. If you can write down your words, that can be helpful too.

When mom isn’t feeling well, things might change around the house. Dady might be cooking dinner or doing the laundry when he normally does other things. Grandma might be over more often to help out, or other friends or family. You are still an important part of the family so ask what you might do to help mom during this time. Hopefully things will get back to normal soon.

Going through this time with your mom may make you feel angry that she can’t do the things she did before. Or she can’t spend time with you the way she always did. This isn’t an easy time for any of you and being mad will only make you feel worse later. Try not to take your anger out on other members of your family. Try not to argue with others and to understand this won’t go on forever and try to look at what you can do for others in your family.

You may feel a sadness that is hard to understand. Sometimes this sadness will make things you usually like doing, less fun. It’s OK to tell your parents you are sad, they are probably sad too. This will open up conversation so you can ask questions or explain in more detail how you feel about your mom’s illness. Maybe ask to have your favorite babysitter come over to play with you and that way your parents will have some time to talk about adult things. Ask your mom first, but your teacher likes to know how your mom and dad are feeling and they might be able to talk to you more about some of your feelings.

Here are some great books to start the conversation: Books for Children